The concept of anger is explored, emphasizing that it is often a reaction to deeper emotions rather than a primary feeling. Anger can surface when individuals feel loneliness, sadness, guilt, or fear, illustrated through the analogy of a cornered animal that transitions from fear to anger when it feels threatened. This perspective challenges societal norms that encourage men to express anger while suppressing other emotions, highlighting the importance of recognizing and addressing the underlying feelings that fuel anger.

Drawing from personal experiences and training in emotional release techniques, the discussion includes anecdotes that reveal how understanding the root causes of anger can lead to emotional clarity and healing. By encouraging listeners to reflect on their emotional responses, it suggests that identifying the true feelings behind anger can promote self-awareness and emotional growth. Ultimately, this approach fosters healthier emotional expressions and helps individuals navigate their feelings more effectively.

Highlights of the Podcast

00:03 – Introduction to Anger

01:01 – Fear to Anger Example

02:37 – Societal Perceptions of Emotions

04:10 – Personal Anecdote

05:18 – Resolution of Anger

06:08 – Emotional Release Techniques

07:39 – Realization and Emotional Transformation

09:09 – Untangling Mental Knots

10:07 – Limiting Beliefs

11:01 – Reflection on Anger

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:00:03] So one of the things that I mentioned and a. Podcast that was. Took a little snippet out and is going to irritate everybody. And I’m excited about that part. When it gets to my real when I talk about anger is not a real emotion. Anger is actually a real emotion. The problem is it’s not a primary emotion. It’s not a. Thing that you instantly feel. What ends up happening is that you feel something else. Loneliness, sad, guilt hurt, something like that. And you’re that anger is your body’s reaction to it, to push back away from it. So fear is not one that you feel quite often. So think of it this way. And Dr. Peterson talks about this when he talks about emotions as well. This example, there’s a little mouse chasing around the room with a broom and it’s scared and it’s running away. And it’s primary emotion at that point is fear. It’s afraid. And he backed into a corner and all of a sudden the fear no longer serves it.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:01:01] And so it gets angry and attacks you and it leaps out. And that’s that’s the backing animal into a corner type of thing. The fear turns into anger and the anger turns into violent physical action. And the same thing with with us. The problem that we get into is that we feel the anger. The anger is very powerful. And it, you know, almost drives you to do things, raises your blood pressure, you know, almost controls you like people, you know, lose their temper. They lose themselves to anger because the anger is there to violently and with great force push back against the things that are hurting us. And it could be that you’re hurting from something else and somebody, you know, pokes you just a little bit. And it’s too much of multiple different emotions of loneliness and hurt and guilt and fear and all those things. And so you react with anger and a lot of people will feel sadness or fear or loneliness all the time. And their bodies reaction to this constant negative function is to be angry all the time. The problem we get into is that when we start trying to talk about anger, we start trying to treat anger. We start trying to worry about how angry we are and we focus on the anger. That’s the problem because it’s not anger’s is a reaction to the emotion you’re actually feeling. So and it’s manly to be angry, but it’s not manly to be sad or lonely or or fearful or things like that.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:02:37] So, you know, a lot of men will just be like, I’m I’m just angry all the time because, you know, raw, angry. And that’s the problem. So as we start digging in and you start really kind of looking at okay when you get angry. Start trying to do that. All right. Let’s just assume for the for the moment that anger isn’t really the primary function. Yes. Okay. Now there’s the fear. I’m sorry. Because the anger deal with the anger, you know, kind of, you know, live in it for a second, acknowledges there, let it be there. But then whether it’s five minutes, five hours, five days later, start thinking back at me like if I wasn’t angry. Or the anger wasn’t primary. What could be the issue that I was dealing with? Just think about it like when this person said something or, you know, this thing that triggered me, you know, was I maybe something else? Was I maybe angry? Was angry? Was I maybe, you know, sad, lonely, fearful, guilt full, you know, was I one of those things? The example that I used in the podcast that I don’t think made it to the clip was when the last when I started to realize this, I was at an event and we had a mix of on time and I was angry that it wasn’t. On time, on the on the on the time that I had my head.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:04:10] So the problem was, is that I would get really angry about it. And I started I finally sat down. I was like, this isn’t that big of a deal? Why are you so angry? And the reason was because at the time, Mike. You know, when it gets dark and that’s tough, you know, my kids are pretty obviously pretty young at this point, and they kind of like their parents home when it gets dark and it’s around bedtime, you know, that sort of thing, you know, just because, you know, if you’re trying to get in bed and your parents aren’t home might be a little bit scary for you. So that was my issue because I knew that I needed to be home for the kids or someone needs to be there for them. And that’s my job, right? Just to be there to, you know, be dad, you know, not going to be afraid, you know, take care of these kids. And what I was realizing was that I felt like I was failing at my job of being a dad and taking care of my kids. And that’s something I that’s very important to me. And so because I felt like I was failing at that, I was getting angry, had nothing to do with the time. The time was irrelevant.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:05:18] You know, it’s not like I had to be somewhere else other than taking care of my kids. So we didn’t have happening. Was that when I started to realize that I was able to get a hold of my mom and my mom was there and takes care of the kids. And as soon as I talked to my mom, she said, Yeah, I got to make sure that they, you know, are safe and they’re put down and they feel good all of a sudden. I wasn’t angry at all anymore. So, you know, I was like, cool, we can wait. I’m glad I got another hour. I don’t really care. And that was one of the things that really solidified it for me. And there’s been other times now I can think back and be like, you know, I was mad at, you know, I was angry with someone else. When I realized that it wasn’t that I was angry. It was I was lonely or I was, you know, you know, something else. And that had really helped, you know, that peace Now, when I went and did my MLP training.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:06:08] Anger is one of the five negative emotions that we release. But that’s one of the things that they mentioned in that is that anger is typically a response to something else, which is something that I started to kind of discover on my own before we went in. But that was a really, really interesting piece, which is interesting when you start when you start releasing those negative emotions, when you start helping people walk through and working with the subconscious or the unconscious mind to let go of things, we’ve held on to a very, very long time. It’s really fun to watch people melt out of that. We had a guy who had been in prison for 20 years and he, Nathan, the guy who was leading the class, asked everybody. He was like, All right, you know, he may have this issue or that issue is like, what about angry? And this guy raised his hand and he was like, Man, I’m angry all the time. He’s like, I can never let it go. I’m just like always, you know, pissed off. And Nathan was like, Great. All right, cool. So we go over and he walks into the process and they release anger and did a great job. And he’s like, How do you feel? And he just started crying. He was like, I’m just sad. He’s like, I’ve just been so sad for so long. And then when they release sadness and, you know, you go through all five and when you really sadness was talking to him, at first he was like, Man, it’s so much different. And he’s like, I just I just feel like so much is gone.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:07:39] And, you know, we see this time and time again, you know, even when my wife went through it, that was the five negative emotion. Things were one of her favorites when she got rid of some of the things that had been bugging her for, you know, a while, not necessarily with me, but with just life in general. And that was really, really impactful for for both of them when I did it. It wasn’t that wasn’t my big one. I definitely felt it. It was cool. But I spent I’m 80, so I spent a lot of time in my head working on that type of stuff. The one that was interesting for me was called Parts, and we all have these little. The way that we interpret things, the way that we hold on to mental pieces. They form like little knots and string. Like, think of it this way. Do you ever put back in the day? There’s one guy. There’s so many 20 year olds who have no idea what I’m talking about. Back in the day when we had earphones that had wires on them and you would put them in your pocket and we would do everything we could, right? Because you told them and you’d fold them up and you’d get them just right and you stick them in your pocket and you’d be like, All right, cool. They’re not going to get tangled this time. They always did. You would always get tangled and you’d pull them out and you’d like, untie the little weird knots that somehow got in there. That’s kind of how it is in your mind, where we have these thought processes that somehow get askew and get a little like knots in them.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:09:09] And so the communication in your brain doesn’t go like it’s supposed to. That’s a very, very rough example of what parts is. And so you go through and you find these little pieces and you kind of untangle them and you allow the body to kind of work through. Making that piece was really, really big for me because, you know, a lot of 80 people I think. So 80 is a type of thinking. The way your body processes information, we we’re usually very in our heads. We think about things a lot. Overthinking things is one of the things we do. But very, very, very, you know, in your head thinking about things. When you get rid of those little knots and all of a sudden you’re like, all right, cool. And you let your mind kind of wash back through the way that that different thought process goes. That one’s pretty, pretty impactful as well. That was that was my piece.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:10:07] And then you’ve got, you know, on the same vein, you’ve got limiting beliefs where, you know, which is kind of cool, I’ll do a whole thing on limiting beliefs, but when you get rid of those, you can you can start folks focusing on, you know, getting past impediments or blocks or things that are in your life that as you go back through the emotional piece, you know, one of the things that is interesting and I think would be beneficial for a lot of people is if when you get angry again, not right, then maybe five minutes later, maybe five days later, you think back and you go. Why they make me so mad. What? You know, was there maybe something else? Was there maybe another issue that I was feeling that caused me to then feel anger? It’s an interesting little game to start playing when you’re in your head as you start working that out. You can start realizing, maybe I was sad. Maybe there was something else.

Dr. Matt Chalmers [00:11:01] There was another reason where I got angry. You know, they said something and it made me feel this way. And then my response to that feeling was anger. So you start thinking of it that way. A lot of times you think, this is something and this is one of those things that you start to learn. You start to deal with with, you know, personal development. If I can, I’ll. But when you’re when you’re noticing that you’re angry a lot. Dig into that a little bit and be like, all right. Am I angry or is it something else? I bet lots of you guys are going to find out it’s something else most of the time. Or maybe you’re angry and something else. So look for that and something else. And you can see what it is. And if you can start dealing with that piece, most of the time the anger starts to dissipate and resolve itself. So think that through. And if you have any questions, here’s some questions that Chalmers once I commented on the comments. Thanks for your time. Have a nice day.

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Dr. Matt Chalmers

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