It has been said that we are our own worst enemy. One example of this is when we hold negativity in and cannot let it go. That anger and negativity spill over into other things we do, darkening our entire lives and crushing our souls.

I often tell people to forgive others. You do it for yourself, not for them. The people we forgive don’t even have to know you forgive them. Holding anger, resentment and strife against another person and constantly thinking about them poisons you; it leaves you dark and always angry.

People will often think of how they were wronged and hurt because they can’t wrap their heads around the problem or the other person’s reaction. This can spool up into constant frustration, leading to depression. If this sounds familiar,  the best thing to do is forgive and move on.

This is not an easy choice, and it isn’t like you can do it at any time without effort, but it is very important.  First, you have to let go of the anger and the hatred. Then, you have to set yourself free of them and what happened. Learn from the situation so that it does not happen again and then let it go. If you have to, get some help to allow yourself to come to terms with it. If you do not, it will end up causing you to rot from the inside.

Forgiving someone is not saying to them or the world that what they did is OK or what you felt is irrelevant. It says you are no longer going to dwell on this and allow this issue to rule over you. You need to take back yourself and allow the past to stay in the past. This can be one of the hardest things to do, especially if it involves a loved one.

So, if you are holding pain at or toward a person, or a group of people and you can’t let it go, talk to a professional, a mentor or a religious leader to help you move past this and learn to forgive. Remember it isn’t for them; it’s for you.

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Dr. Matt Chalmers